I started the elimination diet seriously on March 28th, at the same time I started taking half a grain of thyroid. Two days later, I started taking 100mg of progesterone at night. In that time, I've had improved sleep, increased my daily step counts, have managed to recover my energy levels enough to go to the box 1-2 times a week...and I've lost 18 pounds. Yes, in 5 weeks. Yes, it is astonishing.
When I first started the elimination diet I ate nothing but salads and meat. About a week later when I was brave enough I added roasted carrots and parsnips. That's what I ate for a couple of weeks, and I was content. I wasn't starving, and I didn't feel like my body was trying to drive me toward more food. I would eat a salad and a portion of meat and be content. I didn't have cravings for sugar, even though I wasn't really eating any (just some fruit). My brain was quiet. I realized, startlingly, that I had been eating enormous portions of food--not because I was hungry and not because I was fighting disordered eating habits, but because my body was desperately trying to find energy somewhere. I've never had it so boldly illustrated to me that the body will seek what it needs, no matter what the conscious brain is trying to achieve. When I started my medication and my body could finally get energy out of my food, everything settled down and the clamor was quiet. I am not seeking energy anymore. I finally have energy.
Things I had not even realized were that bad have improved substantially. My brain has turned back on! I'm a reasonably intelligent human and slowing me down gets me to about average, so it wasn't obvious that I was struggling. I thought I was tired (I was), I was stressed (I was), and I needed a break (I did). But it never occurred to me that my thinking was just slowed down, that the brain requires 25% of your daily calories and if my body couldn't unlock and process them, then my brain would be suffering too. Once the medicine started to kick in, though, my brain turned back on. I've been more involved in my patient's care and more in tune with necessary tweaks to their programs, I've been noticing details and making appropriate changes, and I've been far more detail-oriented and aware. My co-workers say the change is like night and day, and it's very very obvious that my issues were medical and not my intelligence or personality. It is a great comfort to have it confirmed that I did not make a grave error when I chose my career path, that the choice I made to attempt to give back some of the healing I received after the accident was not short-sighted and misguided.
Going through this I have read repeatedly that I have to be gentle with myself. Every book I have read so far about Hashi's patients identifies us as perfectionists, those who are driven and successful until they hit a wall. I've had repeated moments when I've wondered if someone is spying on me, because everything I'm reading is exactly my experience. Ever since I was young I've been driven--I even have a waist chain that has a charm that is engraved with the word! I've always been a perfectionist. I've always held myself to the highest standard. Now, going through this, I'm repeatedly reading that this is the time to be gentle. This is the time to accept a 10-minute walk. This is the time to forgo that 5am workout in favor of more sleep. This is the time to accept that sitting on the couch and reading is the right choice, even when the house needs to be cleaned and you have a list of projects waiting for your attention. Now is the time to be gentle.
I feel like I am healing. There have been no moments when I've been so tired or busy that I've wanted to cry. There have been no moments when I've told myself that the best I can do isn't good enough. I have felt peaceful. I have been attentive to sleep and rest and what I'm eating, to my medications and my supplements, to taking real care of myself instead of just trying to patch it together so I can keep pushing.
I feel better.
