Facing a potluck

I came home last night, wrecked, and made my breakfast so I'd have it ready after my WOD this morning. Then I didn't eat dinner because I didn't have anything prepared (huh?) and instead went straight to bed. I admit, my thinking was a little bit off there.

I woke up at 4:40, turned off my alarm before it could go off, threw on my gym clothes and was out the door before 5am. Got to the box and started coughing and sneezing. Seriously, heavily. The kind where you get dizzy because you're coughing so hard. I walked into the box at the same time I realized that I had the cold that our patients have been coming in with.

DON'T COME TO THERAPY SICK, PEOPLE!! WE'RE NOT A HOSPITAL!!

So I'm home now. I've called in sick. I'm drinking hot tea and plan to go back to bed very soon. I want to write a bit first, though.

CF on the surface is about weird random fitness activities and bro-tastic grunting and throwing of weights. But it's not only about that. CF is an amazing journey into self-knowledge and self-belief. It's an interesting mesh of proving things to others that I have always known about myself (I will never, ever give up--I get knocked down, but I get up again), and discovering things about myself (some things I have always believed were out of my reach are actually closer than I think).

The act of working CF into your life is in itself an undertaking. It takes time, both for the actual workout and for recovery. It takes physical energy: it demands more than you think, and more than your body is used to putting out at any one time. It takes mental energy: just walking into the box for something you KNOW is going to challenge and frustrate you takes extreme focus and determination. It takes resilience: you have to be willing to fail, and embrace that failure, and get back up and try again. It takes focus: getting under a heavy bar when you're not 100% present in your body because your mind is still struggling with an issue at work is a bad idea and a recipe for injury. And it steals your focus: if you get hit with the lightning bolt, CF is all you think about. Your entire psyche starts to revolve around facing your next challenge with the iron.

It's been two months, and I'm firmly ensconced. I'm planning my schedule around my WODs, I'm planning when I sleep. I'm planning laundry around my WODs. I'm planning rest. I'm making time for stretching and rolling to assist with recovery. I'm spending time writing goals and focusing on positive self-talk to help me with WOD performance. And I'm spending ample time on my diet.

I use "diet" in the classic sense, as in, "the foods I eat". This is day three of the Whole30. I was ready for the Whole30 after two months in the box. I was seeing how the way my body performed changed depending on what I had eaten the night before. I was seeing how my recovery was easier, or harder, depending on the quality of the foods I was consuming. I spent ample time focused on how my body felt and was responding during the heavy workouts, and was hearing those same signals after my meals. So I was in a place where I was ready to clean it up, as it were, and focus in really hard.

My first day of W30 was a good breakfast, as usual, so no different than...oh, months. I'm generally always good with breakfast. I had lunch prepared but ended up napping for three hours and missed the meal. Dinner was a solid protein-and-veggie meal, and I slept well. Yesterday was a rest day from the box and I needed it, after 4 WODs and two cardio WODs in 5 days. Breakfast was good, as usual, and then I faced a Fall potluck at work.

Keep in mind, this was my second day of W30. I had an unexpected hour free (patients cancelled) so I had THREE HOURS to stare at the food that everyone brought. We had:

North Carolina pulled pork
roasted chicken (bought at CostCo)
green bean casserole
8 packages (we're talking SIXTEEN POUNDS) of pre-buttered deli mashed potatoes
stuffing
carrot-bacon-onion dressing
couscous salad
macaroni salad
mac&cheese
pre-mixed kale salad with a creamy dressing
homemade cinnamon applesauce
Hawaiian sweet rolls
bean dip/guac/salsa and chips
two pumpkin cheesecakes
two pumpkin pies
one Mississippi mud pie
one coconut cream pie
chocolate chip cookie-balls

Everyone was moaning about how much they ate, and how hard they were going to crash in the afternoon. Someone ran out and brought back several gallon jugs of Arizona pre-sweetened tea, "for the caffeine".

I knew what I was walking into, and I brought a stuffed pepper with me. I also prepared applesauce as my contribution to the feast--apples and cinnamon and that's all. It was incredibly tempting. I kept trying to figure out what I could have. Potatoes? No, butter--no dairy. Green bean casserole? Green beans = yes, casserole = no. Chicken? Where's the package? What's ON it? How did they roast it? Better just stay away. Kale salad is good, right? Packaged dressing = processed oils. Damn. Pumpkin pie = you're fooling yourself. When Torrey walked in with her carrot-bacon-onion dish I could have hugged her. YAY! After grilling her for the recipe I settled in with my pepper, her concoction, and some applesauce.

It was a good meal. It was a happy meal. It was wonderful to eat and share and be happy with my workmates. And because I planned ahead it was entirely W30. I was proud of myself. One thing I'm learning in CF is that I can set a goal pertaining to "body stuff", consciously focus on it, and achieve it. I always knew I could achieve goals based around academic or intellectual parameters. I'm learning that I can achieve goals for my body, as well. My shaky feet feel more solid. I am feeling more and more like I can control my body and my physical reality. I'm excited for next year. I'm excited for change. I'm eager for the work it will take to change.

So let's write some goals for the Whole30!