Changing or not?

It's an interesting process, pursuing a "different" body. The body changes gradually--nothing happens overnight. Even when you're losing weight the "conventional" way, which trust me I have done before, changes are slow. You lose weight like a candle, gradual layer from the top inward, and it takes time to see those layers add up.

But this way, losing from the inside out, is an exercise in mindgames. I am getting stronger. I know this, I have PRs to prove it. My endurance is getting better. I ran my first 400 meters on October 21! I jumped onto a 14" box on the 26th! I did 30 single unders in a row! I am improving, and I know I am. I have evidence. As of yet, though, there are tricky little physical changes.

My bra is looser, it's easier to fasten. And yet I'm developing a soft little fold on each side, on my ribs, right underneath the band. So I've got a soft little fat-fold...but I'm smaller?

My belly feels softer, looser when I stand up and walk, but when I lie down it seems like it's...wider. Fuller. Rather than being a distinct bulge it's like the bulge is engulfing my hips.

I cannot wait to lose the flab over my waist, those flaps that bulge out in back and make shirts not fit nicely. Mine are getting softer...but they're getting deeper??

I have to say, though, I approve of what my thighs are doing. They're narrower and firmer, so I'm not confused there.

Anyway, going through the process this way is changing the body underneath, while the fat layer is still there. Someday it's going to be one hell of a Reveal, but in the meantime I'm just going to be confused. Am I changing or not??

I am taking a rest day as I've been to the box for three days and I'm really sore from yesterday's WOD. Four 5-minute AMRAPS with one minute rests in between was all kinds of fun, don't get me wrong, and I'd love to do it again. But ooohhhhh the soreness. Yikes. I'm planning to go tomorrow and saturday.

I'm holding true to my habits--breakfast is already made for after the box tomorrow, actually--and I'm faithful to my Whole30. Yesterday was Day 15, so I'm halfway through. I feel fantastic, I've never felt this way about food before. And I can't remember when I felt this good physically, either. I'm toying with the idea of just keeping the Whole30 lifestyle going until January 10th and making it a Whole90. It's certainly not going to hurt me in any way, and who knows what amazing things lie in wait?

I love being in a position of eagerly anticipating the next few months, rather than having a quiet internal monologue going about how time is passing, I have to change something, I have to fix this, I'm running out of time, every day is a lost opportunity, and every day I don't make some drastic change is a mistake. It's a freedom I never knew about, a freedom I didn't know I was lacking. Being able to go through my days confidently knowing that I got this, I am awesome! is a tremendous thing.