I've been lazy about writing this week. I've had a week off vacation time and I've gone to class, I just haven't written about it. A lot has happened, actually.

There's been a heat wave through southern California with temperatures in the low 100s and high humidity. Thankfully my regular class is at 5:30am, before the day really heats up. There were two mornings when it was already in the low 80s as we hadn't cooled off overnight, but I kept my perspective and reminded myself that low 80s in the dark is far preferable to low 100s in direct sunlight.

Monday I already felt off before I even got to the box, with an unsteady stomach and general sense of malaise. I went in, anyway, figuring I'd steady down once I got some endorphins in me. We were doing a SWOD of squat snatch. This move, a clean-squat-overhead-press combo, is one I've never done. I understand the mechanics of it, I'm mentally there with the physics of it, but my body was not having it. The combination of a deep squat (my squat is still tight) and a close-to-the-body arm maneuver meant my body was determined to find any other way possible to manage what I was asking it to do. I worked the components with a PVC pipe then with a training bar, then grouped them all together with PVC then training bar, then swapped bars to try weight. I did reps over and over and over and wore myself out. I ended up with a 1 rep max of 63 pounds.

There was a 10-minute WOD planned for after the SWOD, and I tried to tap out of it. I told Mick I was gonna skip it. He wheedled me into a row instead of the run. Fine, I'll just row for 10 minutes. At the last second I decided to jump into the WOD, so I spent 10 minutes doing a row-pushup combo. I only got through two full rounds and then part of a row set, and when Mick called for my results I yelled, "2 plus 286!!" I was determined to get credit for my partial row. The look on his face was an indication of how off guard my answer had caught him. I'm sure he's never written "2 + 286" before!

On tuesday I had the pleasure of starting mental training with a fellow box member who is working on her degree in performance psychology. We talked a lot about mental focus and inner voices and self-talk. I've been working on this with an addiction therapist, too, so for the most part my self-talk is pretty positive. We're focusing on cleaning up my self-talk around WODs, before, during, and after. As my answer with Dr. Matt is a simple, "I'm okay," my focus with Tiffani is on the immediate response "This will be fun!" to any self-doubt that comes up.

From that appointment I went to a Pulmonology appointment. My new doctor has a very nice approachable father-figure bedside manner. He determined that, while I don't have the neck size (greater than 17 inches...mine is 14 1/4) or the tendency to "hold my breath" during sleep, I probably do have sleep apnea due to my restless sleeping, my weight, and my increased snoring in the last 9 months as my weight has also increased. So he ordered a sleep study, and we're waiting on insurance for approval. Being weighed by his nurse, although she said NOTHING about it, sent me into an emotional tailspin. I left that appointment in an utter panic, absolutely ashamed of myself, and determined to find a diet or a method I hadn't tried that could possibly be the magic bullet.

Thankfully, from that appointment I went to my final appointment of the day with my addiction/eating disorder counselor. Yeaaaaahhhh. This is the stuff of a separate entry.

I left that appointment with a renewed sense of myself and a huge weight lifted, emotionally, for the last 26 years of my life. Talking it out with a friend cemented the conviction that I was, actually, just fine, and had been just fine all along. Class the next morning was great, as was Friday morning. After class Friday I met again with my fellow box member and we set some goals. Again, stuff of another entry.

Which means I best get writing!